Midget sex pt 2 tonight
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
