I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
