Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
