ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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