Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
