I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
