he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
