sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
