HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
