Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
