I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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