Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
