I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
