I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
