Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
