new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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