i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
