when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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