is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't make out with my wife yet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
