We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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