Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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