My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
