Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
