just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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