Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
