My friends, they love my intelligence
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were trust falling into bushes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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