I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
