Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
