i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Life is so much better after having sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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