i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize