after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
