So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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