return my video game
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
