He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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