thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
