Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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