Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
