I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
