Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is classic penis vs brain.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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