she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
