Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
