CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
