Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
