I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
