I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
