It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
