seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
