he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize