OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She needs sedatives and a leash
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
