he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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