it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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