I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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