He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
