My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
