It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
