Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
