I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
