either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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