you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its not stalking. its research.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
