That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
