I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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