youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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